by Stephen Deck
Review written by Stephen Deck; originally published 10/12/2020 on Teacher by Day, Gamer by Night
I’ve got some great friends. Whenever I’m feeling down – and lately that’s been lower than US stock prices on October 29, 1929 – they’re always there to have my back. Let me tell you a story. One of my friends, TC, knows that I’ve been going through a hell of a rough patch. He also knows that I’m a filthy degenerate who loves waifus. He gifted me the other night a couple of silly dumb-looking indie games on Steam one of which was The Last of Waifus. I was so excited to play this game. I figured this was exactly the kind of nonsense I needed to find a moment of up in my current world of despair. I was not incorrect in this assessment.
Let’s be upfront about this game’s quality. It’s garbage. I mean, this game is pure, unadulterated garbage. This is the kind of Unity engine indie game that one dude probably made in his basement over the course of a weekend. Does that mean it’s not fun? If you answered “Yes” to that question, you should probably move along because this is not the blog for you, and I am not the reviewer for you. I played this game until I had unlocked all 15 achievements, and I tell you what, it was the most fun half-hour I’ve had in a hot minute. Okay, so it was actually more like 20 minutes, not half an hour, but you get my point; the game’s short.
You play as a big titty anime girl in a camo bikini carrying an entire arsenal of weaponry from a knife and a bow to a rocket launcher and what I assume is supposed to be a .50 caliber sniper rifle. Once you go through the gate separating the safe area from the actual game, you have to survive waves of identical shirtless zombies all of whom clearly didn’t miss a single day at the gym. That’s it. That’s the whole game. As far as I’ve been able to tell, there’s only one map, and the waves never end. You just keep shooting identical zombies until you inevitably die. There is no story. There are no bosses. There is no enemy variety. You just shoot and eventually die. Then you respawn at the safe area and do it again. That’s The Last of Waifus. And why is she holding that rifle by the magazine when there’s a grip literally an inch in front of it? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
Now clearly this game’s title is referencing The Last of Us, but other than the main menu very vaguely resembling it and the ruined block of town you play in looking kind of sort of like a city area from The Last of Us maybe if you squint real hard and turn your head sideways, there aren’t any similarities. I don’t actually even know if these are technically zombies. Are they? Are they aliens? Are they Weyland-Yutani androids? Are they reclaimed Borg drones with all of their implants removed? Are they vampires who’ve developed an immunity to sunlight? Are they emo kids on steroids? I don’t know. All I know is that they want to kill my unnamed waifu, and it’s mildly entertaining to shoot at them.
The Last of Waifus is a mindless time waster and nothing more. As a mindless time waster, though, it does a pretty fair job in my opinion. There’s more depth in a sidewalk puddle, but if you just want to spend ten or fifteen minutes shooting things as a cute anime waifu, this is the game for you, bro. It’s $2 on Steam, and I can say with absolute certainty that this game brought me significantly more satisfaction than an Egg McMuffin (and that actually costs more than this game). It’s repetitive, and it’s as bare-bones as it gets, but it’s cute. At the end of the day, isn’t that what the world really needs in 2020? Cute waifus killing things? As a video game, though, if I’m being objective, it’s pants.
