by Stephen DeckThis review is dedicated to the memory of BronyCon. May it rest in perspiration and cringe.
Review written by Stephen Deck; originally published 12/11/2020 on Teacher by Day, Gamer by Night
Why does this game exist? Seriously, who sat down and thought, “You know what would make a great game? An endless wave shooter where every enemy is a neckbeard with PS2-era character models.” If you read my review of The Last of Waifus, then you pretty much know what to expect here. Just replace cute waifus with cringy neckbeards, and that’s this game.
Simp Slayer does something better than The Last of Waifus, and it does some things worse. Let’s start with what it does better. First off, there are four stages here instead of the one single stage in The Last of Waifus. Each stage unlocks once you hit wave 10 in the previous stage. There are also different types of enemies as opposed to one single generic zombie-looking enemy. You’ve got your regular neckbeards, and there are a few different models for the regular simp that the game will use. Then you’ve got some creepy crawling simps that move faster, crawl on the ground like the chick from The Grudge, and do more damage. You’ve also got fat shirtless simps, e-girls, dudes wearing trilbies that Naruto run, “30-year-old wizards” that look unsettling like Klansmen, and a giant fat final boss simp once you hit wave 10 on the last stage. I may be forgetting one or two, but honestly, none of the enemy designs are very good. Lastly, there’s a Counter-Strike style money system that gives the mindless slaughter some very vague semblance of purpose (emphasis on “very vague”). When you kill simps, they sometimes drop money. That money can be used on the main menu to buy additional weapons or more ammo. There are six weapons total – pistol, assault rifle, shotgun, submachine gun, sniper rifle, and light machine gun.
That’s about where the positives end. The gameplay is just as mindless and monotonous as The Last of Waifus, the shooting mechanics feel somehow worse, the weapons are even less interesting, and the whole game can be completed in less than half an hour. It looks like shit and doesn’t even run well. Steam told me the game was running at an unbroken 60 fps, but it still felt like it was stuttering, and that’s with visuals that would have been right at home on a budget PS2 game. I personally got a good bit of entertainment out of this game, but that’s mostly because I love intentionally terrible games, and this game is definitely terrible. It’s worse than Apartment 666, and that’s one of the worst games I’ve ever reviewed.
Normally I’m less harsh on games that are intentionally bad whereas Apartment 666 was a game that tried to be serious and just sucked anyway, but Simp Slayer is SO bad that it’s almost frustrating. It’s a shooter that was probably made in an hour and relies completely on outdated memes and garbled voice clips for its humor. It missed the mark so badly that you’d think it forgot what the mark even was. I can, however, see one instance in which this might be an entertaining time; get three or four of your most easily entertained friends over, get extraordinarily drunk, and then take turns playing this. That’s literally the only way I can see this game being actually enjoyable, and even then, it’s a long shot.
